Friday, December 15, 2006

Tears........

I have always been a person who could be moved to tears easily. My children laugh at me, because I cry at sentimental commercials.

Over the coarse of the last few days, I have cried tears of Joy and tears of sadness. I am missing my Mother dearly. When Katrina got her acceptance letter yesterday, the tears of Joy and excited where quickly changed to sorrow, when in excitement as she was on the phone with Grammy and PopPop, I said, "You'll have to call Nana next!" and it hit me......

Also, Christmas was my Mothers most favorite time of the year......she always made the season one of Magic and Wonder for all of us,,,her family and friends. She had a heart of gold and a soft, gentle way about her, that made everyone happy and joyful.

I am also dreading Monday. You see, Monday is my 43rd Birthday....and it will be the first birthday that I do not get a phone call at the moment I was born from my Mother telling me how much she loves and cherished me and that at this exact moment, so many years before, I blessed her by being her baby girl.

So, today, when I was getting my camera on to take the most adorable picture of Abbie and Emma Sage cuddled together on the couch reading a book together,,,,,,and the camera fell out of my hands and broke.....well, the tears came flooding out and I have'nt been able to keep them at bay for very long.

I know the camera can be replaced [when I don't know, as we don't have that kind of money in our budget to make such a purchase at this time, especially since we have college tuition down payments due the first week of January......and my camera....it is almost like an extension of me.......I take photographs often, and it gives me such great joy.... it is going to be so sad during the next few weeks of such a special time of the year to not record our memories.

So enjoy the pictures I titled in folder as 'TheDayMyCameraBroke' as they may be the last for a while.

These are of Emma Sage working on a craft project to encourage fine motor skills. She is such a patient and detail oriented little girl. She did the whole project by herself....even making the knot at the end of the string. I helped tied the ends together, but she patiently strung each small bead and bell. [Which I found hard because the end was starting to fray.....but she just persevered]

We are going to bake and wrap all weekend, so I may not be online for a while......May you cherish these days......reflecting and honoring what is most meaningful to YOU. Celebrate the season with simple simplicity.


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She is just so sweet.....

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I love how she is so expressive and how that tongue always pops out when she is concentrating! lol!
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Look how proud she is!!!
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and one last.......the look of "OK, Mom, stopping taking pictures now!".......I wonder how long it will be before she realizes Mommy is not snapping away!!!! I know she is such a little ham-bone that she will miss all the photography attention real soon!

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12 comments:

Jeanne said...

I too am missing my darling Mom at her time of year also her first Christmas in Heaven.
Big healing hugs and good wishes that although the candle may be gone the flame still shines brightly in all of our hearts.
Blessings of love.
Jeanne ^j^

Amy said...

((HUGS))

Rebecca said...

Oh my dear friend, I am sorry you have had so much going on these days. My heart hurt when I read your camera broke. I know how important the camera is to your beautiful memory making.

I know that being without your mother this season is particularly difficult--sending you many hugs.

Thinking of you my friend...

Julie said...

Oh TM, I am sending you big hugs on many fronts. I know how much you miss your mom and it is always so hard to miss a loved one who was so close and dear to our hearts. I am also grieving your camera with you! I love seeing your new photos weekly! Maybe, Santa Baby, will hurry down the chimney with a new one!
Much love
Julie

Debbie (Binny's Mom) said...

TM, surely your mother is rejoicing in the holiday season with you now; even though you can no longer pick up the phone you are still so closely connected; your love for her shines through your every post...I'm so sorry to hear about your camera; I cherish every picture you post of Emma Sage and your beautiful family, and I hope that it can be replaced soon...but, TM, you do know that you are as gifted a writer as you are a photographer??? I hope you continue to post and to express in words all of the wanderings of your head and heart, as well as the adventures of Emma Sage...now I am going to click back to look at your girl doing her crafts and then to peek at the magical pictures of her trimming the tree...

Kris said...

Oh, I feel so much in my heart for you during this time of sorrow. Please know that your mom shines through you in all that you do. I know that you miss her terribly and I wish I could lighten your heart. I am sorry about your camera too, this must be so hard. Oh, I wish I could just fly through space and give you a hug. I am thinking of you and hoping for you.

Tammy and Parker said...

Tara Marie,

I'm NOT one that is easily brought to tears. My gene pool comes from my dad and fiesty is the name of the game there. The longing you have for your Mom is something that I can so understand. Families are truly forever, I know that with all my heart.

Sending you hugs and love,

jotcr2 said...

I love how she is expressive too.

Christina said...

I am so sorry your camera broke. It must be hard going through the holidays without your mom. I hope you still will have a great birthday.

Rebecca said...

Happy Birthday to you!!!!

Betsy said...

Tara Marie,

I'm so sorry your camera broke! All of us will miss it dearly! Please put it on the priority list, as we just can't go long without your beautiful pictures.

I'm sorry you're missing your Mom so much -- it truly shows what a beautiful person she was to know that she is so dearly treasured and missed.

I hope you have a very Happy Birthday today! You have me beat by 2 months, almost exactly.

I know your heart feels heavy, but I also know your beautiful soul -- you will find great joy in this season through your children, and through the celebrations you Mom passed to you.

(((hugs)))

Betsy

mum2brady said...

Hugs TM!!

I'm so sorry about your camera, so thrilled about college, and so impressed with Emma Sage's beautiful necklace :) She is such a joy!!!

Sending you lots of hugs and love - and birthday wishes too!!!!