as things present themselves to me, it seems as at the most appropriate time. [when I truly need a message]
I believe fate has been at hand orchestrating Emma Sage's upcoming surgery. I've been a bit of a nervous wreck, wildly thinking of how to get everything in its place, and it all just feel into place.
Her surgeon had called and said he had scheduled 'October 1st' as the day of her surgery and admittance [she has to stay overnight due to her ongoing blood issues and how severe her sleep apnea is].........and as I go to look at the calendar, I realize that fate was placing its hand on this event.
I had originally worked on having Sam and Brooke [little ones I watch] to be watched in the morning because I had an IEP meeting at Emma Sage's school. I had chosen that date because Charlie [the little guy I watch on Wednesday's and Friday's] was scheduled to come to me on that Thursday and Friday, because his Momma was going to a conference. So my day was clear to be free to be with Emma Sage.
Rick happened to take vacation [which I did not know at the time of the surgeons call] from the 1st to the 7th [as he is visiting with college roommates in Pittsburgh area that weekend] and he will be here to stay overnight with Emma Sage.
So.........fate laid her hand on this Mommas heart and allowed this very nervous time for me, to not be soooooo nerve wracking [well, I'm nervous about the surgery, but not worrying about the care of my little charges]
then I get the following note in my inbox this afternoon......and it spoke directly to my heart on this day of remembering the loss of my Mother.
This is from the Daily OM, one of my most favorite daily reading sources.
When you read it [I recommend it] you will see how fate is speaking to me on this day filled with sadness and memories....but also of hope, happiness and joy, in the process of moving forward from such a difficult loss.
September 26, 2008
Becoming Whole Again
The Process of Grieving
When we experience any kind of devastating loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a dream, or a relationship, feelings may arise within us that are overwhelming or difficult to cope with. This sense of grief can also come up when we are separated from anyone or anything we have welcomed into our lives. And while it may feel like we are caught up in a never-ending spiral of sadness and emptiness, it is important to remember that the grief we are feeling is not a permanent state of being. Rather, grief is part of the process of letting go that in many ways can be a gift, allowing us to go deeper within ourselves to rediscover the light amidst the seeming darkness.
The emotions that accompany any kind of loss can be intense and varied. A sense of shock or denial is often the first reaction, to be replaced by anger. Sometimes this anger can be directed at your loved one for “abandoning” you; at other times you may feel outrage toward the universe for what you are enduring. And while there are stages of grief that people go through – moving from denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance – the cycles of grief often move in spirals, sometimes circling forward and then back again. You may even experience moments of strength, faith, and laughter in between. While these emotions seem to come and go sporadically, it is important to feel them, accept them, and allow them to flow. With time, patience, and compassion, you will eventually find your center again.
As we move through our grief, we may find ourselves reluctant to release our pain, fearing we are letting go of who or what we have lost. We may even regard our movement toward healing as an act of disloyalty or giving up. Know that while the hurt may fade, the essence of what you had and who you loved will have already transformed you and forever stay with you. If anything, once you are ready for the pain of your loss to subside, their memories can then live more fully within you. Remember, that healing is a part of the spiraling cycles of grief, and that in letting yourself feel restored again, you are surrendering to a natural movement that is part of the dance of life.