Saturday, May 05, 2007

Fear......

I try so hard to live my life absent of fear and worry....and truly try take one day at a time.

But there is one thing that I fear, and it is the same for all of my children, but paramount for Emma Sage. I fear that they never get sick......not your normal childhood colds, bugs and flu's.....but really sick, life-threatening sick.

And it has been a blessing that all Emma Sage has battled is the typical childhood illnesses......so when her blood work comes back 'funky' in November and with a set re-take in six months, your mind starts to wander and worry.

In March she was ill with Strep.....it seemed to hit the house, with Rick even getting it. She took her course of antibiotics and responded well. Or so it seemed.

About a month ago, she started getting bruises......big, bad bruises on her legs. I called my sister Patti to get her thoughts [as she is an RN] and we figured since the weather is nice and they had been all out on the play equipment and the bruises were in the spots that little ones typcially bang and bump in the coarse of play [her children too all seemed to be getting more bruises.....I did'nt really panic. Then they subsided and I thought...."Well that is good,,,,and how silly of me to worry". Around the same time she started to have a personality change....she was weepy and would cry at the drop of a hat [not typical Emma Sage behavior] and she started to act up [again, very unlike Emma Sage].....so much so that her behavior was wearing her Momma out, as I had to be diligent like a hawk to make sure she was not getting into trouble. She also started just taking 'breaks'....where she would sit down, put her thumb in her mouth and rest....and if you asked her 'What was wrong' she would tell me she was 'tired' or 'sick'.

These actions started to get my 'worried with fear' thoughts pumping.

She then started getting night sweats and running a low grade fever.

Again....nothing that you could pin-point a problem.....or a reason to call the doctors.

Then she woke up with this [and Momma really started to freak]
DSC06397

DSC06445

DSC06451

So off to the doctors we go......

Emma Sage's doctor feels that it is strep, that was hanging out somewhere in her body this whole time [resisting the treatment in March] and slowly running havoc with her.........

We will run a full blood test at the end of this round of treatment to check out her white blood cells that were misbehaving in November....just to make sure there is nothing else going on.

So.....this past week really unsettled me......I am so thankful that she already seems to be responding to this round of treatment, and pray that this is all that is going on with my little girl.

Then I can work real hard to pushing that silly Momma Fear out of the way and go back to living life to it's fullest, each and every day!

13 comments:

Princess Morgan said...

Emma Sage will be in my thoughts. She is strong & has so much love around her. She is a gift & I am confident she is just fine. She has so much more to teach us all. I can share in your worries as a mom. I so enjoyed the videos of he rplaying softball. Thank you for sharing the precious moments.

Kim Ayres said...

That gut churning, heart sinking feeling that there could be something bad with your child is so intense. My thoughts are with you and Emma Sage

Christina said...

I hope she gets better real soon. The rash would have freaked me out too. All the other stuff too, i am always thinking the worst, and being part of all the forums and reading all the blogs, my mind quickly makes its own conclusions.

Big hug to Emma Sage fr Vince

AUNT JAN said...

AUNT JAN
WE CERTAINLY WILL BE PRAYING AT THIS END ALSO. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMA IN A FEW DAYS TOO :) LUKE WAS ONE YESTERDAY. BIG DOINGS !!
LYL

Michelle said...

Keeping ES in my prayers that it's nothing more serious that a stubborn case of strep. You get better Miss Emma Sage!

Jessica said...

Feel better soon Emma Sage!

Michelle said...

Get better sweet, sweet girl! Elliot and I send you hugs and love. And, Tara Marie, I feel your pain. Indeed, the worry of illness. It is so very much different with Elliot than it was with Nora. I make myself pale with worry on a daily basis. Blessings to you!

Cathy said...

That is my biggest fear with Lauren- the biggies that our children are more susceptible to. I hope Emma Sage is feeling better soon.

I have this plaque on my wall that says "Having a child is like having your heart walk about outside of your body." Isn't that the truth?

Laura & Ryan said...

Wow TM, how scary! I sure hope Miss Emma is feeling better and that the yucky rash is all gone (especially for her (and Miss Mackie's!) birthday.)

We MUST set up a date to get together VERY soon! I miss you lots sistah! :) L

mum2brady said...

I think we all have those kinds of fears TM! I'm so glad that the docs feel it is only a very nasty strep infection. That rash looks familiar - my little H gets it every time he gets strep (which isn't too often, thank goodness, as he's allergic to penicillin).

Keeping Miss Emma Sage AND you in my prayers that she can kick this infection and that nothing else is going on :) Sending huge hugs your way!

Carey said...

I recognized that rash the minute i saw it. My oldest daughter has the same thing when she was younger. I didnt recognize the symptoms either. Im praying for her, i hope she feels better and she back to her normal self in no time.

Kari said...

I'm sorry Tara Marie. Your Sweet Emma is in my prayers. I am going through some similar stuff with Tristan and can relate to your feelings ((hugs))

Trixie said...

I understand completely. I hope all is ok soon.